This week I flew on a plane. Normally for me that isn't unusual, but lately I've been working on setting a new land-based record to see how long I could go with my feet out of the sky.
59 days. It was 59 days without crossing a border. 59 days since I got patted down in airport security. 59 days since I looked out a plane window. When I boarded a flight to Colorado the other day, the familiar feel of a boarding pass in my possession was a big deal for me.
But I really did do it. I spent 59 consecutive days in the sunshine state and I'm happy to say that there was nothing too terrible about it. I even have a great tan to prove it.
After 59 days I'm happy to report that my vital signs are fine and my life has actually fashioned itself into a routine of sorts. I've made some connections, fostered some predictability, and safe to say, I think I've even enjoyed a little bit of the consistency in staying put.
Although this all feels secure and nice, my mind struggles, because I know it can't be permanent. All of this being and doing in some ways doesn't collaborate with my heart. There isn't anything wrong with this life or those who are living it, but for me, I feel like I'm flying in circles in someone else’s air space. Stuck in a holding pattern. Waiting for the air control tower to tell me it is time to leave this routine and land where my heart is.
I've been thinking about holding patterns lately. Maybe it was just in anticipation of my coming departure and end to the travel fast, or maybe it is that much of my Florida life has taken the form of driving in circles between 2 different cities.
Holding Pattern: The flight path, usually circular, maintained by an aircraft that is awaiting permission to land.
The pilot always seems to announce that you are going to enter a holding pattern only on those flights when you just can't wait to arrive. You are delayed, stuck in the sky and going in circles. Life is below. You are up here. You want to be down there and are resisting this undesired cultivation of patience.
There is wisdom in holding patterns though. Going in circles isn't just a fancy idea of the pilot. Waiting is a command from the control center, wisdom direct from the people who can see the things that you can't see from miles above: traffic on landing strip, choppy weather patterns and other planes on a collision course.
The truth in flying is, you have to have permission to land and you have to know where it is you are going down or you will crash. You must keep moving, you can’t just stop and wait or you will fall out of the sky.
And so I continue in my holding pattern. I talk to the pilot a lot lately, asking him when will I ever get to land, but all I keep hearing back is patience. Enjoy the view out the window, have another apple juice and a bag of honey roasted pretzels. We will be landing shortly.
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
- Leonardo da Vinci
