Beginning

So far my posts about Sudan seem to be all about me- but I guess that is the way it is when you are settling in. I've been thinking about beginnings this week as I process all the 'new' things around me. However, I think I may have overloaded my sense of discovery and as a result I have the song from the Sound of Music stuck in my short-circuited brain. "Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start...to sing you begin with Doe..Re..Me…”

Anyway, beginning is all about learning. It is about finding the way, acclimating, redefining your reality and staking the boundaries of your new comfort zone. Beginnings have the benefit of the being a “new leaf,” “clean slate”, “empty book” and all the exhilarating and optimistic metaphors of “newness.” Yet, beginnings can also have the frustrating flip side staring at the hundreds of empty pages and realizing that your daunting task ahead is to fill it.

I looked to the wise philosophers of old for advice and Plato said, “The beginning is the most important part of the work.” I wonder if he learned that from Julie Andrews and the singing children?

So here I am at the beginning, attempting to stake my ground. Even though I feel like I've been here for a long time already some days, I am also constantly reminded by my newcomer naivety that I have just arrived.

I so much want to understand this world around me. I want to be able to reply to the mango ladies in the market and ask how much the oranges cost. I want to respond to the children who wave at me and shout Kahwajha (white person) with something more than a smile. I want to be able to communicate with the people, but even the smallest transaction and interaction begin at the beginning. I have to start small with hellos and thank you and counting to 10 and learning all of these throaty sounds that make German seem normal. Yes, it is coming, but there is still so much more to go.

My job is a little bit in the beginning too. I’m navigating through the start of it and beginning to understand nomadic and agriculture patterns, which crops get planted in the rainy season, and the number of people that an open well can provide clean drinking water for. I'm beginning to decipher all kinds of relief lingo, recognize the names of places like Azirni, Habila, and Um Tagouk, and grasp some of the reasons why West Darfur is a mess.

It is all that initial climbing up the learning curve that I feel like I’m still in. Sort of like the ladder up to the high dive. You have to take the steps in order to jump off into the pool where everyone else seems to be already swimming.

For those of you who’ve been tracking with me since my ship departure months ago, you may remember a song called Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sarah Groves that I shared during my betwixt time of not wanting to leave and not wanting to stay. This song was playing the other day and the last words of it caught my attention in a whole new way as I slowly progress through this new Sudanese season of beginning again.

“If it comes to quick, I may not appreciate it, is that the reason behind all this time and sand.”

'Begin at the beginning,' the King said, very gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'
Alice in Wonderland Chapter 12